I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
