Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
