its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
