i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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