I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
