She is in my trunk
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
