I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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