i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
