...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
