I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
