the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
