I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
