and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
