I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
