I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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