The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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