remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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