There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
