I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
