you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
