Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
