What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
