He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize