I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize