I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
