No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
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