i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
