Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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