return my video game
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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