1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
