You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
