What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize