I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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