every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
