Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You need a sexual gate keeper
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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