make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
