you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
