Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
