i think my mom watched the whole time
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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