either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
