I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
