She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
