Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
