the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
