What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
