She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
