he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Still dying that you shit outside
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
