Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am puke
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize