Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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