does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
