I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
