I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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