Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
