how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
