go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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