I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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