that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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