bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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