the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
