i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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