Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
