I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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