She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
