Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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