I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
