Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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