genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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