Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
