she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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