my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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