i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize