it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
