i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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