I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
