4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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