So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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