Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
