Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
